Bella's Dreams
by Lifespassion
Summary: The hopes dreams and fantasies of heart broken Bella after Edward says goodbye. M for mature content. Some cute, some smutty all bitter-sweet
1. Prologue

**This chapter is basically an introduction into life with Bella when Edward first leaves. It gets more interesting as i delve off into my own world later. Please Review. **

**updated and spelling corrected. Hope you like. Let me know. I know it is really short but it is just a prologue after all, they arn't usually long. :)**

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Bella's Deams

By Lifespassion

Prologue

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_"When it comes to loving you. You're my only reason. You're my only truth. I need you like water Like breath, like rain. I need you like mercy, from heaven's gate. There's a freedom in your arms, that carries me through. I need you...You're the love that rescues me, when the cold winds, rage...I need you like water Like breath, like rain. I need you like mercy, from heaven's gate...I need you" __**-LeAnn Rimes, I need you**_

Pain. Not the pleasant numbing kind. I was sitting in class and then they came. My thoughts. My dreaded thoughts.

Oh God.

Why me.

I wanted to tear my heart out of my chest so that it would be as silent as his. He left me. He didn't want me. He told me...he doesn't want me.

Oh God. I can't help it. I lay my head down on my desk trying to concentrate of the comforting feel of the cool desk beneath me but it doesn't work because all of a sudden all I can think of is his smooth skin. Cool and pale as alabaster. I sit up abruptly and start counting. Numbers. 1 2 3 4 5.... the number five. The fifth letter in the alphabet is the first letter of his name but I cannot bring my self to even think his name.

He has tried to erase himself from my life. He stole my picture. My picture of him. Before the part. Before the end of the world as I know it before my whole reason for living walked out telling me that I didn't matter to him. i knew it all along. I knew I wasn't good enough for him. The pain came. I sudden;y found it very hard to breath. I gripped my sides in the desk. No one turned to look at me. No one cared.

I turned off my brain and waited for the day to end. The second I stepped through the door there was a smile on my face. Face and plasterd there for no ones sake but Charlie, good old dad.

"how was school today?"

"fine."

"do you have much homework?"

"Tons," I lied. I had no homework. I went to my room, pretending to study for an hour then made supper for Charlie and then went to bed.

I started out my closing my eyes and pretending that I wasn't in darkness. I debated going to the store and buying a block of ice, to sleep next to and I prayed that he would come back to me.

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**There I have set the scene. Let the story begin. Please review, it would make my day.**


	2. To sleep perchance to dream

**Now the real story portion begins. This chapter has been edited. Hopefully all the spelling errors are gone now. Please review and let mek now what you think. I think the song for this chapter pretty much fits this entire story.**

Bella's Dreams

By Lifespassion

Chapter 2: To sleep Perchance to Dream

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_"I don't want this moment to ever end Where everything's nothing without you...I want you to know With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul I'll hold on to this moment you know...That I won't let go"** With Me, Sum41**_

His lips on mine cold as ice, soft and gentle-his only softness. His breath sweet like sugar. His eyes, gorgeous and stunning shining yellow and gold, looking intently into mine.

"I want you to know, I won't let you go..." I smiled. I didn't know why the words made me want to cry. He was so beautiful. My beautiful Edward, forever and ever. "Never, I will never let you go, okay" I waited for him to aknowledge me. He nodded.

"I know," his voice flowed over me as it always does and I sighed. That voice, my Edward.

I reached up to the buttons of his shirt and undid them one by one. He watched my face as I undressed him. Watching me so intensly. I slipped the shirt off of his shoulders. His skin was pale as alabaster and pulled tight like silk over stone. So smooth and soft. I kissed my way down his torso. He groaned.

"Are you in control?" I asked concerned. Looking up at him with dark, hungry eyes.

"Yes," he choked out the word. It was a wonderful strangled sound. I loved that I had made him sound like that. It made me feel proud, he was my beautiful fallen angel. Mine. I wanted him and I was possesive of him, extreamly possesive. Almost as possesive of him as he is of me. The way he wraps his arms around me as if to shelter and protect me from the rest of the world. He made me feel safe. its so strange to feel safe in the arms of the most dangerous thing in the world, but then love can tame lions. What was his fraze?

_'And so the Lion fell in love with the lamb'_

_'What a stupid lamb'_

_'what a sick masochistic lion'_

He always made me smile when he said that.

"Good," I said and pushed him backwards onto the bed. straddling his waist. I could feel him between my thighs. I smiled and kissed his mouth. He devoured mine, his tongue sweeping in, exploring. I breathed his name and shuddered.

I heard a strange noise, in the background...an odd beeping. Like a strange sirin, warning me of danger. I was suddenly filled with an inexplicable dread. My heart was pouding and I gipped hold of Edward suddenly sure that the closer that sound came the further away he was drifting. My fingers were gripping air.

"Stay with me!!!" I begged, but he was already falling away from me.

"I can't its for you're own good." he answered and we were back by the woods all of a sudden. He was standing just a few feet in front of me, fully dressed. Face and eyes hard and emotionless as stone. Then he walked away. He walked away. It was like a film stuck on re-play. Only I was there. I was there and so was he but he was leaving. He was leaving me again, for the first time.

I screamed. Called out to him. How could he do this? how could he let me go?! he said he loved me!

I opened my eyes. I was laying flat on my back in my bed. Tears were running down my face. chest felt tight as if I had been trying to scream but lacked the air to do so. I felt paralized for a moment.

My alarm clock was bleating loudly. I grabbed it and hurled it across the room, it shattered into small pieces against my wall but afforded me no satisfaction. Wiping my face. I rose and prepared to face another day, alone.

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**I cried and cried and cried some more. I had to stop reading for a few moments but then when I started again I cried again when Edward left her. I have never felt a characters pain in a book so vividy as I did when Edward left Bella. The worst part was that I could see it coming. **

**Hope you liked this chapter. Please review.**


	3. The fantasies of a boring class

**Lets be really and truly honest with ourselves. Who hasn't fantasised at least once in a really, really boring class?**

**This is the much longer and edited version of this chapter. I am ever-so-slowly working my way through all my work correcting and editing things. It is slow and painful, but I hope you like it and think it is worth it. Please, feel free to let me know...by reviewing...please.**

Bella's Dreams

By Lifespassion

Chapter 3: The Fantasies of a Boring Class

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_"I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me. I still feel your touch in my dreams. Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why Without you it's hard to survive. 'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling, and every time we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last. I need you by my side." **-Every time we touch, Cascada**_

The clouds were grey and the weather overcast, but it was warm in a very muggy humid way. We were at the beach; Edward and I were alone together on the beach. We walked along barefooted and I felt the coarsens of the rough sand between my toes. It was so warm, I wanted to cool off. I waded into the waves broke gently around my body. The water was cooler than the air but still quite enjoyable. Edward followed in behind me. I smiled and splashed at him from a distance. He ducked underwater and sped towards me lightening fast. The water swirled around me.

I laughed as he popped up in front of me. Water dripping all over. He was such a show off. Then the sun came out from its hiding place beneath the constant grey clouds. His skin came alive, sparkling and shimmering like a grand candelabra. I Looked at his skin, ever fascinated by its beauty. My Edward, so incredibly beautiful.

He looked at me and down at his shimmering skin. He looked almost ashamed of himself. I know he was. He hates that he is a vampire because he hates the thought that he might be capable of hurting me. He would never hurt me.

I looked into his eyes. Golden, like molten flames smoldering into mine. I was surprised that the water wasn't boiling around him. He was so hot. To hot to touch and yet as I touched his skin, moving so that our bodies aligned, I was shocked once again by hold cold he was. Like ice, pure ice.

I kissed him then, with everything I had. Passion spiking and he kissed me back, his mouth crashing over mine. We moved into deeper water. My arms wrapped around his neck. We were up to his shoulders, to deep for me to stand in my own and so I wrapped myself around his frozen form. My hands sought his hair. His hand pulled into mine and then he tilted my head to the side kissing my neck.

My pulse was thundering like a stampede of wild horses stampeding across the tundra.

"Please, Edward." I begged, I didn't even know what I was asking for all that I knew was that I wanted him-all of him. He looked at me.

"Are you sure?"

"Are you sure you love me?" I asked. I didn't know where the question came from. He had told me a million times that he loved me. But just like he seemed to need reaffirmation that I was sure, I needed reaffirmation that he loved me. That he always had and always would for as long as he lived...or existed.

"Yes, I'll always love you." That was what I needed to hear. What I always needed to hear.

Never taking my eyes off him I pulled off my bathing suit top and watched in the water as Edward removed his. I wanted this. More than anything I wanted this.

We moved closer to each other and kissed.

"**Bella**, wake up, my class is not for daydreaming." The voice pulled me back, hitting me like a freight train. I was pack in class. Stuffy, boring pointless, seemingly endless class. Day after day of the shame meaninglessness. The same emptiness, it was the worst kind of torture.

I was startled, lifting my head out of the crook of my arm I focused back on the black board,but I couldn't focus.

I wanted to cry right there in class.

What a stupid teacher. I was a great student in this class. I never sleep. You would think that she would take my sleeping as a hint that maybe I was tired or NEEDED to sleep. I needed to dream. It wasn't as if it was something I did everyday.

The bell rang and I stood up and walked out.

**Please let me know what you think, but be gentle I am a sensitive soul. _I love creative _criticism, so please, go on, click that little button at the bottom and say something.**


	4. Dancing dreams

**Alright, this chapter is now officially updated. I love how the computer doesn't say that you have updated a story when you replace a chapter, only when you add a new one. So I have been working on this for weeks and it still says the last time I updated was almost three months ago. :) oh well.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

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Bella's Dreams

By Lifespassion

Chapter 4: Dancing Dreams

"Hey Bella." Jacob's voice cut through my daze. I was sitting in my truck, hands wrapped around the wheel and knuckles white just staring at the long grey road before me. I turned to look at him. He was cute, in a slightly younger way. His tan skin and dark hair were nice...a polar opposite of Edward

"Hi Jake, how are you?" I answered. My voice sounded heavier than I had intended and I knew it sounded like I wasn't happy to see him.

"Fine, you look tired are you okay?" he ventured tentatively. I instantly felt bad for not being more enthusiastic towards him.I glanced up at the rear view mirror. I had dark circles underneath my eyes and my hair was fuzzing around my ponytail. It looked as if I hadn't slept in a month. I had slept, a lot...just not well. Restlessly trying to sleep and not dreaming at all or dreaming of him leaving. Nightmares. I looked like a nightmare, I looked as pale as a vampire.

"Yeah, I'm tired," I finally answered his question "but...I'm fine." I had been saying that to everyone. 'I'm fine'. People had been asking me that a lot. So much,in fact, that it was to the point where I could tell if someone was going to ask me if I was okay. It took all my willpower not to answer before they even asked that question. I wanted to scream in their faces. 'I AM FINE!' but I didn't have the energy, the inclination and it was probably really rude. They were, after all asking because they cared, or at least pretended to care about me.

"Can I bum a ride home?" the question caught me off guard, I was thinking to much again and no doubt had gone back to my thousand-yard stare. I looked at him again, trying to focus on the here and the now. I always seemed to get along with Jacob...except where Ed....except where E was concerned.

"Sure, hop in." I forced a smile and popped the lock.

Jacob hauled open he stiff passenger door of my truck and climbed in.

We drove along in silence for a while, a borderline awkward silence which seemed to seep in over time-like the cold on a deep winter day.

"So....how's school going?" he asked, trying to strike up polite conversation.

"Fine, my grades are good." That was all I could say. School was fine. Completely, wonderfully fine except for the fact that I had to walk around everyday knowing that Edward wasn't just around the corner waiting to carry my books to class and whisk me off to his families beautiful mansion.

"That's cool." he nodded, his lips forming at tight contemplative line.

There was another silence and I realised that I should probably say something.

"What about you?" I asked back. It was plain and simple.

"Its going well." We made small talk for the five or ten minutes that it took to drive down to La Pus. It was all short and choppy sentences and answers which seemed to be said out of necessity and common courtesy rather than genuine interest and a desire to talk. When I pulled up in front of his house Jacob got out and waved goodbye.

I drove strait home. The house was empty and silent. I couldn't stand the silence and so I put on some music in my bedroom, but it wasn't enough. I didn't just want music, I wanted our music. I wanted Our music, Edwards song. My song. That's what I wanted.

I started dancing. I had to dance. The music and my pain possessed me wrapping their tendrils around me and driving me to madness. I spun around faster and faster, twirling and moving, stumbling over things clumsily but dancing.

Then he was there with me.

"Did you miss me?" he asked smiling.

"I always miss you when you are away." I answered back. The pain was there, it was there because this time I knew that he was just in my head. Nothing more than a figment of my overactive, fanciful imagination. A part of me was dying and the other part didn't care.

"Then I won't go away," he smiled. He didn't know that this was my dream. He was completely unaware and unassuming. He was perfect, as perfect as ever.

"You always do." I said sadly, knowing that he would tell me what I wanted here. Tell me that he would say. I knew it was a lie. This was all a lie, but for now it was all I had. I leaned against his shoulder. I could smell him; He smelled so good. I could see him and feel him. I closed my eyes and just held him held him close. His icy skin beneath the tux. His strong unmoving frame of solid stone.

I could stay here forever.

I wish I could stay here forever.

**I know its not as smutty as the last chapters but it was what I was in the mood for at the time. Sometimes just holding the one you love can be as intimate as a kiss. please review.**


	5. Sunset at the Beach

**This is the final chapter in my set. I have done all the romance I can for these two. We all know what happens in the end right? Hope that you like it.**

**This time I am trying my hand at a little of the good old wooing material: POETRY!**

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Bella's Dreams

By Lifespassion

Chapter 5: Sunset at the Beach

_"When i'm with you,I'll make every second count. 'Cause i miss you, whenever your not around. When I kiss you, I still get butterflies, years from now--I'll make every second count, when I'm with you" **When I'm with you, Fabourdrive  
**_

Champagne.

Strawberries..

and a sunset at the beach...

The glow of a warm red sun was all around us, it danced off the water as it danced of his skin. The light splintered and shimmered all around, it was like being in a bright and beautiful Kaleidoscope.

His face.

My face..

Our eyes locked on each other.

He dipped the strawberry in my champagne flute. He brought it to my lips and I smiled taking it from him. he caught the thin line of juice as is slid down my chin. With an ice-like finger. My angel, saving me from even the smallest things.

I giggled.

"If I were a vampire, maybe my talent would be to freeze time, then I could freeze this moment here with you," I said feeling suddenly very romantic. Maybe it was the setting. It was beautiful like something out of a dream.

"Bella," he said my name with a sigh "You are almost more of a romantic than me."

I smiled. I knew it was true. His old fashioned ways were ooober romantic, and I loved it. He fueled my imagination. He was everything that I white knight was supposed to be, but he wasn't my white night, he was my dark night. I instantly thought of Batman, then redirected my thoughts back to Edward.

I wrote you something. He said and pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and started to read:

_  
I saw you that first day_

_and I loved you_

_every moment since then_

_I can't stop thinking of you_

_  
you're in my very soul_

_if I have one_

_you are my light_

_more potent than the sun_

_  
You taste like sweetness_

_and strawberry wine_

_your foolish and clumsy_

_I want you for mine_

_  
you're all I see_

_all I breath_

_all I want_

_all I need _

_you are in me_

_you have my heart_

He stopped and looked at me, and I swear I could see him. I swear he was there, looking right back at me.

I swear It wasn't a dream....

but I woke up anyway.

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Edward Cullin was sitting at his desk, in a small hotel in Europe. He had run away to try and protect her. It was so obvious that she was in danger every time she came around him. He had proven already that even he wasn't as strong as he had hoped. There was no point in this....she would come to hate him anyways...when she grew older.

_~you could bite her~_the temptation was there but he pushed it out of his head. She was probably doing better without him.

He looked down at the poem in front of him. Looked down at the last stanza:

_you all I see_

_all I breath_

_all I want_

_all I need _

_you are in me_

_you have my heart_

He, looked it and knew it was true. He hated this. He picked up the pen.

_I love you_

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**That's all folks please let me know what you think by hitting that little button at the bottom of the screen. :)**


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